Coffee with Mark Towhey

LIMBO — As I watch the U.S. coverage of South Carolina governor Mark Sanford’s fall from grace, I wonder at the role that religion plays in American politics. And, what role religious homogeneity plays in that nation’s ascendancy as a super power.

Without doubt, the U.S. is a superpower. Somewhat less clear, is whether this superpowerdom comes despite, or because of, the seemingly widespread religious fundamentalism that appears, at least to an outsider, to drive its internal power politics. In few other Christian nations does religion and the role of Christ as personal saviour play such a visible role in the success of its political elite. In any other non-Christian nation (save, perhaps Israel), a similar starring role for, say, Allah, would be cause for trembling fear if not outright loathing on the part of “civilized” western democracies.

My thinking turned then to Iran - a nation with clear aspirations of superpowerdom. It is avowedly an Islamic Republic where democracy takes a distant second place to religion in the power structure. As much as we in the west fret about the frightening frothings at the mouth of Iranian president Mahmoud Amadinejad, the fact remains that he is powerless in the heirarchy there. The real power in Iran is vested in the Supreme Leader and cleric: Ayatollah Ali Khameini.

Which, in turn, led me to wonder: is religious fundamentalism a necessary prerequisite to superpowerdom?

China is verging on superpowerdom and Russia was once a superpower. In neither state does religion play an obvious power role. Likewise, the British Empire was not likely successful because of its tight, homogenous spirituality. So, I think, not.

However, each of these nations displays, to some extent, a homogeneity amongst its peoples. The U.S. (and perhaps Iran) have religion as a controlling element binding its peoples together (although separately!) China and Russia have a dominant ideology keeping the masses in line. One might argue that, in the U.S. it is capitalism and/or democracy rather than Christianity that is the binding dogma. Personally, I’m unsure. What was the British secret to success? What was the binding doctrine that compelled it to rule the world for decades?

I don’t know enough history to speculate. Do you?

LIMBO — So what?

I mean, really. So, what?

You’d think the Earth had stopped spinning on its axis, if all you had access to was American “news” media. Note that I put quotation marks around “news” because there’s not much news on American “news.”

As soon as rumours began circulating about Michael Jackson’s death, all the major U.S. TV networks switched to non-stop, all Jacko all the time, team coverage of… well… nothing. There wasn’t much to say. Yet, it still took hours to say it.

Here’s the news as I might have written it: “Michael Jackson died today at age 50. The cause of his death is unknown, although there are unconfirmed reports he may have suffered a heart attack. He was rushed from his home to the UCLA Medical Centre this afternoon where doctors pronounced the controversial pop music star dead. More tonight on the Entertainment Report at 11. Now back to the news.”

How long did that take to read? Maybe 15 seconds? Yet, for American “journalists” it apparently required hours and hours of non-stop reporting. Note the quotation marks around “journalists” for the same reason as above. What additional insight did they provide in their hours of non-stop live coverage that I didn’t include in my bulletin?

Nada. Zip. Nothing.

In the meantime, nothing else happened. Anywhere. Apparently.

What a lucky day for some governor from some state in the U.S. south.

P.S. Farrah Fawcett also died. Unlikely to be more at 11.

LIMBO — If you’re trying to eat healthy (”healthfully” just sounds like a mouthful and I’m trying to cut back) then consider this lesson I recently learned in an American-owned fast food restaurant:

If everyone eating in the restaurant is fat, eat someplace else.

The simple rules are, so often, the best.

CAIRO – Just a very quick post to comment on a brief moment, well in fact about five minutes, of unusual oddness. Not to be confused with run-of-the-mill oddness, mind you, which abounds in my circles these days.

As I returned to my hotel room, the message light was flashing on the telephone. This, on its own, is rather odd since I tend to travel and live in places, these days, where I know no one. Very few messages in my life.

Pressing the “speaker” button, I hit the message waiting key and was told in an oddly accented female voice that I had one new and four old messages. Interestinger and interestinger.

Playing the new message, I learned that somebody in the hotel had done something with my something. So memorable it was that I’ve forgotten, less than 24 hours later, what it was about. Which is also odd, because as I am embarrassed to admit, it has been ages since anyone has done anything to my somethings, so one might legitimately expect me to remember.

More interesting than the current, quite forgettable messages, were the four days of old messages, dating back six months, that had either never been played or were inadvertently saved by prior denizens of Room 2237 at the Cairo Conrad.

I am sorry to say, Mike and Jean, that Katrina and her husband will not be able to make dinner with you on April 22 as previously planned. Truth be told, my take on the message is that Katrina had made a promise her husband refused to keep. Perhaps M and J are a little overbearing, or just simply talk to much. Maybe they’re overly familiar or a touch crude.

Again on May 13, a much anticipated rendezvous was aborted by happenstance. Although, by the tone of voice involved on the message, my instinct tells me that this lost chance was much more mutually regretted. Perhaps there was missed a chance to fulfill a lifelong fantasy. The young, sultry female voice surely sounded like she had lost her puppy when leaving the sad “I can’t make it tonight…” recording.

It seems four old messages, means four days of recordings, because some of the “messages” included two or three different messages. I wonder how the mailbox concatenates them? By day? By urgency? By passionate intent?

A number of Arabic speaking people also left messages which, presumably, would make more sense to someone who speaks Arabic, than they did to me. Although it’s hard to be certain, where incomprehensible alien tongues are involved, but I think some of the message leavers were decidedly upset with some of their intended recipients. Another, however, sounded like she was making plans, not breaking them, for an urgently required dalliance.

I wonder if her lover received the message and its promised rewards, or if it languished in the mailbox unheard? Did he (or she) meet up with the sultry-voice? Or, did he leave town that day wondering why she never called? Have their lives been irreversibly altered because of a missed message?

Or, was the message received by someone too awestruck to delete it. Was the message intentionally saved so that the voice which ignited strong and delectable memories might be replayed over, and over.

Now that I’ve peeked into this world of strangers, listening in on their private messages from the past, what is my role? Do I delete them?

Or, do I re-save them so that some other future guest in Room 2237 might stumble upon them and spend a few moments of his day wondering..

ISLAMABAD — I returned last night from two and half days in Lahore, where I spent some time socially with a few well-educated business associates and asked their opinions on the war in Afghanistan, the one here in Pakistan and the political mindset of average Pakistanis.

But first, as I sit to eat a late afternoon breakfast (I slept most of the day as I’m going to be up for the next 36-48 hours traveling back to Cairo) I thought I’d comment on the media coverage of the war here in Pakistan, as seen through the eyes of Pakistan’s media.

Territorial gains more compelling than body counts

Last night on BBC World Service, they proudly announced their Islamabad correspondent was the first to be allowed into Swat with the Army since the battles began there some weeks ago. For her, it was an unparalleled opportunity to stand silhouetted atop a high ridge line with a battlefield stretching across the valley behind her: a classic war correspondent pose. She reported on the ferocity of the fighting so far and foreshadowed that even more vicious battles were soon to come.

The Pakistani media last night spent much of their time interviewing wounded officers and soldiers who’d destroyed the Taliban on that same ridge. The elite commandos conducted a helicopter assault onto the knife-edge ridge, jumping from Mi-24 Hip helicopters onto a hot LZ within 10 meters of Taliban trenches. The Captain interviewed on Dawn TV was the first to exit his helicopter and, almost immediately, was gunned down. Seven hours later, the government troops had cleared the ridge of enemy fighters who fought to the last man. Seven hours and one area of 800 x 800 meters cleared of enemy.

Each story in the Pakistani press mentions the number of casualties, but unlike their western counterparts in Canada and the US, they don’t typically keep a running tally. Today’s story talks about six Pakistani soldiers killed, and 75 wounded. But there’s no running tally. By my count, the number of Pakistan soldiers and police killed in the last three weeks must be well over 100 with hundreds more wounded.

In Canada, each reporter (if not every Canadian) knows exactly how many Canadian soldiers have been killed in Afghanistan since 2001.

Most Pakistani press headlines this morning were focussed on the districts that have been freed of Taliban — not the death count. And a number of the districts have been freed. Either through combat, or as happened yesterday in Lower Dir, by consensus: the Taliban there met with a jirga of local elders and agreed unilaterally to pull out of the district. And they did so. Was this a sign of Taliban compromise? Unlikely. The Pakistani government is giving the Taliban a whuppin’ and they are running back to safer ground before it reaches them. The key question, of course, is: will they be back?

The answer, unfortunately, is almost certainly: Yes, if the government doesn’t make that impossible.

Differing views of Pakistan’s IDPs

Once the BBC reporter had concluded her hilltop posing, the news service transitioned to a story about the gargantuan wave of human suffering embodied in two million internally displaced persons (IDPs) forced from their homes in the war zone. The UN, already in the area providing relief to Pashtuns in refugee camps along the Pakistani-Afghan border, is trying to rapidly scale up. Some 340,000 IDPs are currently housed in makeshift refugee camps and the UN has called for $540 million to increase this capacity and make it safer from disease and disaster. The remaining IDPs are fending for themselves.

Everywhere I go in Pakistan, I see calls for Pakistanis to donate to a relief fund to help their displaced countrymen: on billboards, on buses, on taxis, in every newspaper, on TV and in speeches by countless politicians… and, if there is a country on Earth with countless politicians, surely Pakistan is it.

Yet, the IDPs are not viewed universally as victims. The Muttahida Qaumi Movement (MQM) is vociferously calling for all IDPs to be “restricted” to government-run refugee camps and to be “registered” to ensure that no Taliban are sneaking into Karachi and other cities disguised as innocent Pakistanis. There is little popular support for this idea here, with most people viewing IDPs as Pakistani citizens who are free to move about the country as, well… Pakistani citizens.

MQM is likely using this issue as wedge issue to differentiate itself from political competition and to play to the fears of Karachi and Sindh residents fearful of increasing violence in their communities. MQM is right about one thing, though: it is entirely likely that some “Taliban” are embedded with the fleeing masses. This, of course, is irrelevant for two simple reasons.

First, there is nothing to stop Taliban “miscreants,” as they are universally called by government spokespeople here, from sneaking into any city on any day, dressed as regular people. Second, many Taliban fighters almost certainly are regular people who have taken up arms for money or vengeance. Separate them from the compelling issue, however, and most of those do not carry the flame of insurgency very far on their own. Those that do will continue to be a threat whether they are “registered” or not.

Growing anti-Americanism

As I discussed politics and the current security troubles with my Pakistani friends, they all remarked on a growing sense of anti-Americanism amongst even the most educated and pro-western of their friends and associates. Triggered, they believe, by the seemingly increasing use of drones to launch missile attacks on Pakistani soil which, inevitably kill regular people in addition to Taliban fighters. This is, no doubt, true because as I’ve noted above many Taliban fighters are otherwise regular people and, as such, they live closely embedded with their wives, children, parents and neighbours: both as a strategy, hoping it will dissuade attacks, and as a lifestyle — they’re family.

With the Pakistani Army now actively engaged in the battle against “miscreants,” it may be time for the U.S. to revisit its drone strategy. It will have to be a very high value target to outweigh the risk of turning 185 million everyday Pakistanis further against the U.S.

While the U.S. is pouring development billions into helping to stabilize the rest of the country, many previously “westernized” Pakistanis of the academic and leadership classes are increasingly disinclined to accept U.S. dollars they view as tainted with the blood of their countrymen.

I’m not sure what the answer is, but it’s a very fine line for the west, in particular the U.S. to walk. Although the Pakistani Army is engaged all-out against the Taliban today… there is no assurance this will continue to be the case tomorrow. Already, generals point in their press conferences to the fact that six captured Taliban were of Arab and Uzbek origin and hint that they have “corroborated intelligence” of a “hidden hand” “coordinating and equipping” the “miscreants.” “Hidden hand” is of course, a universally recognized government code-word for India.

Old habits die hard.

ISLAMABAD – On arrival in Islamabad I had to declare if I’d visited Africa or Europe in the past six days — just to make sure I was free of bird or swine flu, presumably. Naturally, I forgot that Egypt was in Africa… is it?

Now, if they’d asked me that question on arrival in Dubai two weeks ago, fresh in from somebody’s massive birthday party in Kabul, I would have tested extremely positive for wine flu. In fact, it took me a few days to fully recover.

Anyway, amongst myriad news articles and personal experiences with airport staffs jabbing me in the ear with filthy infra red thermometers, or being scanned by thermal imagers, or questioned with surveys of Rorschach-like obliqueness, a question formed inside my melon.

Why so much attention on people arriving?

I know, I know… the answer is obvious. But, instead of applying useless screening tests to people who have just spent 5 hours re-breathing the content of each other’s lungs, why don’t we test people before they get on the planes?

Call it a “washing our own laundry” approach to pandemic migration management.

Just a thought.

ISLAMABAD –  Thus begins a primer used in some Pakistani private schools, according to the May 23 international edition of Time Magazine.  How Pakistan failed itself by Aryn Baker alleges the primer goes on to teach:  “T is for Thakrau, collision, which is illustrated with a drawing of the World Trade Center in flames… Z, for Zenoub, the plural of sins, is depicted with alcohol bottles, kites, guitars, drums a television and a chess set.”

The point of the Time article is to suggest that Pakistanis, collectively as a nation not just their leaders, have not yet come to grips with the reality that Talibanization is a domestic crisis.  The article, which I recommend you read, suggests the, until recently, official government line that India is behind every attack in Pakistan, or that the Taliban is merely reacting to Pakistan’s support for America’s war on terrorism, is broadly believed by the people.

Personally, I’m not so sure.  However there is certainly broad acceptance of official anti-India propaganda.  Witness that fact that almost every lengthy conversation I have had with smart, successful Pakistani professionals eventually comes around to the question of India.  Compare this with the many conversations I’ve had with Indians of similar success and social stature;  not one of them has ever even mentioned Pakistan.

Many of my Pakistani associates genuinely believe that India is sirring up trouble in Afghanistan with a view to causing hardship for Pakistan.  As evidence for this theory, these bright, rational people point to the “fact” that India has 17 consulates in Afghanistan.  Why, they wonder with overt contempt, would India need 17 consulates in Afghanistan if it was not intent on destabilizing Pakistan.  A very good question.

However, the truth is India has only four consulates in Afghanistan: equal in number to the consulates of Pakistan in that country.

That said, I also believe that most bright, successful Pakistanis know there is trouble at home.  They point to a government largely considered corrupt and incompetent.  This would be worrisome if not for the fact few Pakistanis believe the government is in any way relevant to governance. Most big decisions in Pakistan are not made by the government. They are made, too often, by the Army. Pakistan is the Army.  The Army is Pakistan.

So, the problem, in the eyes of many, lies with an Army that is overly focused on India.  But then, so are the people.  It serves the Army’s interests, perhaps, to find an Indian plot behind every attack.  And the people, despite their disbelief, have been conditioned to accept that argument.

This week’s Newsweek magazine includes a column by Fareed Zakaria that opines how the Army and successive governments of Pakistan have used Islam as the single common factor uniting this otherwise fractured nation — first to hold the country together and then to create a common sense of jihad in its various wars with India. There is great concern about “stamping out radical Islamism” when that very radical Islamism may be seen by those who govern as the only proven tool to unite the country in fear of “India’s next invasion,” and perhaps not coincidentally, therefore to preserve the pressing urgency to maintain an enormous standing Army with a collossal budget.

Pakistan is surely a land of contrasts.  It is a country where people routinely take to the streets by the tens of thousands to protest and fight for comparatively minor issues.  Yet, no Pakistanis are marching anywhere to protest what almost all see as horrific:  the self-described Talibanization of their country.  It is a country that defines itself largely by what it is not:  it is not India.  And, in the eyes of the vast majority of Pakistanis, their country is not a home for the Taliban.

But, where there is almost universal agreement on what Pakistan isn’t, there is little consensus on what Pakistan is.

CAIRO — Like most organizations, the one I’m working for (with?) now is consumed by bureaucracy. Now, bureaucracy itself is not necessarily evil. Nor does this organization have more than its share. However, people (meaning me, and others) can become consumed by bureaucracy and lose sight of the point of things.

So far, I’m not saying anything shocking. Do I ever??

But, it causes me to wonder how much of the world’s work is intended to be pointless. Because that’s what bad bureaucracy is. Pointless expenditure of effort. And yet, I’m a physicist at heart… so I understand that, from a physics point of view, if you pick up a 1,000 KG weight and carry it up five flights of stairs, then back down the same five flights of stairs and replace it exactly where it started… no work was done.

Bad bureaucracy is like that. Lots of effort. Exhausted people. No work. Such is life where I’m currently working. A great deal of effort (thousands of hours of highly paid labour) goes into producing project management plans that are completely meaningless. Dozens of people read them and demand changes be made in them. Causing, dozens of others to demand the changes be changed. They are filed, sorted, uploaded, parsed, downloaded and then, ultimately… ignored by the people implementing the project.

And they’re ignored for good reason. Because they were filed to meet deadlines, not to manage projects.

Yesterday, I wrote a concept paper which caused a small flurry of angst. Because, being an outsider, I misunderstood and included a concept in it. Badness.

No, the concept paper is a document outlining the key verbs, adjectives and nouns that are required to gain official approval for a project document. The project document, of course, being itself long on adjectives.

I was praised, of course, for suggesting an interesting concept that should be discussed at some point in the indefinite future. The future being, very much, not now. Right now, what they need is a paper that outlines a project document that repeats, verbatim, the one that exists now. No new concepts required.

So, wonders, I… if the concept isn’t changing, why write a concept paper for a project document that doesn’t need to change, and why write a new project document at all?

Alas…

Because there’s a deadline for one.

Silly me.

Updated 17 May 2009

So, the point of my tale, which I forgot to mention earlier, is this.

My client organization is not the most bureaucratic I’ve seen, nor is it the most afflicted by needless pointlessness.  How does your organization fare?

How much of the world’s effort, do you think, is expended on pointless pursuits?  How much of the world’s labour is spent on efforts that don’t matter, on work that doesn’t mean anything, on tasks that produce no value?

It has often been said that human beings normally use just a fraction of their brains — and equally often conjectured what wonderful things might happen if we used more of the grey gelatinous blob between our ears.

I wonder how much of the world’s work is pointless, and what amazing things might be accomplished if less of it was so.

CAIRO — Egypt is gripped by swine flu. Well, as gripped as a country can be where there is not a single solitary case of the H1N1 virus. Yet.

On arrival at Cairo International Airport, which is slightly larger than the airport in Kelowna B.C., I was greeted after being disgorged like undercooked fish from the belly of a tap-dancing two-year-old by a phalanx of partially-masked paramedics wielding infrared in-ear digital thermometers.

This is, of course, after being greeted by my Wal-Mart like greeter from the Conrad Hotel who waved my name on a stick at me from a crowd of similarly-charged aides gathered at the entrance to the arrivals hall. In an era of paranoia and hyper security, these guys (trustworthy souls all, no doubt) have free reign in the airport — slipping past security and around quarantine lines with carte blanche.

I wasn’t particularly bothered by the paramedics, nor was I much delayed. My handler waved me to the front of the line explaining “he’s from Dubai” to the medic who looked at me and nodded me through without questions. Not entirely without examination, however. No… as I walked by, he diligently jabbed the thermometer in my ear and grunted his approval of my precisely 37C temp.

No, what bothered me just a tad was the fact there was no plastic doohickey sleeve on the thermometer. The very thermometer that had just been plucked from the ear of a greasy, smelly overweight shoe salesman who passed by ahead of me. Not to mention the 14,000 waxy ears before him. And then some. I swear, it was still warm as it penetrated me.

Twenty-four hours later I was sick

Coincidence? Perhaps.

Egypt is gripped by swine flu. Despite the fact there hasn’t been a single case.

There is, however, in Egypt a sizable segment of Christians — some 10 per cent according to the trusty(?) CIA. Christians, of course, eat pork. Coincidentally, there is also, in Egypt, heaping stacks of garbage — not surprising in a city of 22 million consumers as is Cairo. Pigs, of course, eat garbage.

Now if you’re truly a good capitalist, you have already sniffed out, between the scent of rotting garbage and defecating pigs, the smell of a profitable opportunity. Too late, it’s well developed already!

Yes, there is an unter-klasse of Cairene called the Zabaleen: families who (a) get paid to collect garbage from private homes in Cairo and (b) raise pigs who eat the garbage and (c) sell hogs to Coptic Christian butchers. Isn’t the “value chain” a wonderful thing?

Of course, Muslims (i.e. the other ninety per cent of Egyptians) aren’t big fans of pork. Along comes swine flu (ahem… H1N1) and *poof* in a burst of civil defensiveness the government of Egypt orders all pigs in the country to be “culled.” Despite protestations from the World Health Organization that people can’t contract swine flu from… err… swine.

Bang. All the pigs must go!

Of course, the Zabaleen are upset… as are many garbage-fearing Cairenes who do not look forward to a summer without pigs to eat their garbage. And of course, we infidels who pass through will be left without bacon with which to wrap our mad-cow filets.

Interestingly, though, pigs are not easy to kill. So, it would seem, anyway. Since the government estimates it will take over a month to “cull” the nation’s 300,000 pigs. Apparently, only butchers can “cull” pigs and this limits the number of pigsecutions to a under 10,000 a day, until the government can buy new “culling machines” to increase the speed. Perhaps, it would be cheaper to buy a bag full of hammers, because it can’t be that hard to kill a pig… can it? I mean, this in a country where every security guard has an AK-47!

Already, in what sounds like an outtake from a soon-to-be summer blockbuster Schweindler’s List, the Zabaleen have been rioting in the streets and pignapping their flocks to freedom. Herds? What does one call a gaggle of pigs?

“In the meantime armed police are stationed outside some of Cairo’s pig farming areas, to stop pig farmers trying to smuggle out and hide their pigs, as one farmer with 300 pigs tried to do on Wednesday.”
– Medical News Today

Woe be the hot-blooded

Thank goodness, though, that I was not over-heated on my arrival at Cairo Airport. For, those who have arrived au plus de 37 C have been quarantined pending medical tests to prove they do not have H1N1.

Just to make them all feel super welcome in the land of the pharoahs, many of them have been named on the front pages of major daily newspapers as people under quarantine for suspicion of carrying swine flu.

Imagine what it will be like here when someone actually has the sniffles?

CAIRO — OK, so it’s been a long time since I posted. Many reasons. No excuses. But, to ease back into it, I thought I’d share some of my favorite stupid subject lines from the 1,263 unread spam emails in my junk folder.

Save 50% off Theater!

Wow. If I was in the market to buy a theater, for sure I’d be all over this!

Personal discount 80%. Dr. Emmy
Personal Discount 82%. Dr. Numbers
Personal discount 66%. Dr. Aletha
Personal Discount 71%. Dr. Lindsy
Personal Discount 82%. Dr. Noriko

Is it just me, or do you also think maybe there’s something fishy going on between Dr. Numbers and Dr. Noriko? Can you spell collusion?

Sale 70% OFF on Pfizer

Ha! That’s nothing. GM and Chrysler are going for 99.99999% off!

EZ Combs are soft, comfortable and perfect for any occasion

Actually that’s good to know. Because, if there’s one thing I am constantly worried about it’s whether my comb matches my dinner outfit… and, if it does, will it really be comfortable?

Sad?

I am now! Thanks.

2 Deadly Mistakes Most Men Maake in Bed — This is Something You Should Not Miss at Any Cost

I’m going to guess that one of them involves forgetting to wear your pig-snout oxygen mask if you’ve been diagnosed with sleep apnea.

Give her 1001 nights

Which is just over three years. Then what?

I Didn’t See You On Google

Then you really weren’t looking very hard. Did you mean “Mark Towhead”?

Customizable watering system for any size lawn or garden

Would that be a hose?

oCuple Swapping — Could You Be a Swinger?

Have you met me? Didn’t think so.

Chinese business smart

Spam email not

Your bedroom doesn’t smell like love anymore? Change it.

Is that really a good thing???

You can easily confide the improvement of your pride

No idea what this means, but it’s so poetic, how could I not include it?

We know the method to quit the aging process.

Death?

From now on you don’t need a crane to lift your tool up

Now that is what I call pillow talk!

You will find the love of you life in the face of a Submariner SS watch.

And the face of Jesus in your fried bologna.

88 Lovemaking Mistakes Men Should Avoid At All Costs! - What You Should Do & Should Not Do Revealed!

But I happen to know that only two of them are fatal. So who needs to remember the other 86?

Hand Sanitizers with your logo… a gift EVERYONE will use!

That’s just creepy…

Amazing new money clip

Just in time, because my old one was, like, soooo dull.

Inside a live-tweeted surgery

This is NOT giving me confidence in the medical system.

Question is inside

Is this a Spam mail or a fortune cookie?

Weekend is here

But I got this on a Tuesday…

Remember the Past, Challenge the Future (from the Presidential Editorial Department)

Don’t even TRY to get this one backwards!

She will not need a magnifying glass any longer to find your tool

But, will she still use the tweezers?

How to Choose Sexy Panties For Your Boddy Shape

Too much information.

Your ex will come back for more

Isn’t that missing the point of the whole “ex” thing?

About to have a panic attack?

What do you know that I don’t know? I mean it… what do you know?

Awesome Auger makes yard work easy

Is this a euphemism?

I Like ‘em Small and Focused

I like short films the same way.

Do not suffer from daytime sleep disorders anymore.

If you’re sleeping during the daytime, maybe you have a nighttime sleep disorder.

Serve the Lord, not your Debt

Yeah. Try to take that to the bank.

SOLD OUT!!! — Limited Offer!!

Perhaps that’s why the offer is limited then?

Stop sending me mails!

What you said.